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Easter Eggs and Mustard Gas


I’m not sure I understand the relevance to colored eggs being left in the middle of the night by a white rabbit, but like many stories and legends concocted by adults for little kids, it doesn’t make sense, nor does it have to.

Stop and think about it and that whole Easter Bunny thing is sort of puzzling, isn’t it? Does this rabbit run some sort of enormous egg-laying chicken consortium? And who’s painting all those eggs that he leaves in kid’s bedrooms? Mom and Dad sort of left that part out of the story, didn’t they?

Over the years, as I’ve gone from kid to parent, I’ve had a few memorable run-ins with those Easter eggs. I’ve watched a few dogs leave multi-colored, foil laden deposits in our yard because they got into the chocolate Easter Eggs, I’ve seen an entire patch of hidden eggs go unfound because of a sudden turn in the weather, only to rot in the sun a few days later, which gave this particular church’s grounds crew fits, and we’ve been flummoxed by a slowly decaying egg that we thought was surely a deceased raccoon.

Years ago, several days after Easter, our house started to smell. Slightly at first, then gradually becoming more sulfurous and pronounced. At first we blamed the dog for eating or rolling in a deceased animal carcass. So we gave him a cleansing diet, and a soapy bath. The next day the stench was worse so we enlisted all our noses then hired a carpet-cleaner to come in and sanitize the carpets. Because obviously the dog rolled all of his stink off his fur and onto the carpet, right?

A day or two later and a couple hundred bucks lighter, guess what? The SMELL was still there. So I climbed into the attic and shone a flashlight around but couldn’t see anything stink worthy. No matter, we called an animal removal service and when he arrived, he was certain there was a dead raccoon or squirrel in the attic. Up he went to root around on his hands and knees, only to return empty handed.

“Sorry Doc, wish I could help. Have you had the carpets cleaned?”

“Yes. Thank you.”

“Well, have you tried calling the UN? They’re in charge of poisonous gases, aren’t they?”

“Haha… Oh yeah, too funny. Now where’ my respirator?”

It was at this point we thought about moving because we were certain this funk was coming from the ground itself. With our gas masks on, we checked off the possible scenarios and it dawned on us that perhaps there was a reclusive Easter Egg hiding in the house. At the time our kids were still at the age that an Easter Egg hunt was the highlight of their Spring. So we climbed into our HazMat suits and started checking closets and what do you know, there in our son’s closet was a brand new coat that reeked wildly. I gingerly carried the coat outside and shook it out thinking I could save the coat.


The dry cleaner wanted nothing to do with the coat but he tried any way, all to no avail. The coat was tossed into the dumpster, never to be smelled again.

Easter has so many wonderful associations with it, the revival of all things green, the coming season of fresh fruits and vegetables, and of course the triumphant revival of our Lord and Savior over death itself.

The Lord has risen.

On this Easter Sunday, we (my family, my office, me) wish you the happiest of days, the blessings of our Holy Father, and the good luck necessary in finding all of those Easter Eggs, without having to call a UN weapons inspector.

And of course if you or someone you know is looking for a great Pediatric Dentist, one that’s great at finding cavities but not so good at finding old Easter Eggs, just click right here and give us a call. Or just stop in, we’re always happy to provide a free consultation.

Happy Easter




One Response to “Easter Eggs and Mustard Gas”

  1. Cindy Lodge

    Happy Easter! May all you smell this year be fresh lillies and jelly beans.


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